To The Widower on Father’s Day
Father’s Day is almost here, but I’m guessing its shadow has been creeping into your thoughts over the past few days, if not weeks. By now, you’ve probably seen the ads on social media for that new fishing shirt, walked past the grills on display at Costco, or maybe even noticed a sale on the New Balance dad shoes that are arguably in style for now. For guys like us, though, the brutal reminder that Father’s Day brings cancels out any gift you could possibly open on that day.
The fact is, your wife isn’t here anymore to buy those gifts or remind the kids to make a homemade card for you, and you probably don’t see any way this salt-in-the-wound kind of day could be a good day again.
You’re a widower now, so the thought of Father’s Day is probably messing with you emotionally. You’re not weak or unhealed if you feel this way; you’re normal. But what if I told you that you can actually look forward to Father’s Day? Hear me out…
The most precious gift your wife ever gave you is your kid(s). Whether they’re a blend of you and your wife’s personalities, looks, mannerisms, and talents, or they came into your family through adoption, they are your greatest treasure. You have been trusted with loving, leading, and raising these gifts in a way that would make your wife proud. Remember, she chose YOU.
Your children are learning from you how to carry grief, and you have a choice in what you show them:
Option A: Stuff grief like a rock in a backpack that no one sees but constantly weighs you down.
Option B: Wear grief like a label on your forehead that everyone sees and struggles to look past.
Option C: Wear grief like a smart watch that reveals what’s going on inside so you can adjust your pace and seek help if needed.
Grief brings everything to the surface and offers you a chance to address it. If grief brings up unforgiveness, anger, and resentment, at least you know what you’re dealing with. You can choose to stuff them, show them, or sort through them. Whichever option you choose, your kids will likely imitate your healing or your hurt.
More importantly, grief should remind us that we can’t survive this in our own strength. Our grit is no match for God’s grace. Our only real chance of joy and hope, unchanged by our circumstances, comes from God. Heaven gives us the boldness to proclaim that each day brings us closer to being reunited with our loved one. Until that reunion, we get God’s nearness, helping our broken heart beat and carry on with the work we have left to do.
This Father’s Day, take comfort in Psalm 62:7: “…my refuge is God.” And take heart in your calling to love and lead your kid(s) well. The journey is intense, but keep fixing your eyes on Jesus…generations to come will be blessed by your faithfulness.
Happy Father’s Day, brother…may it be your most life-changing one yet.
